Drake woke up in an alley. He could remember naught but three things. His name was Drake, he'd been very happy last night, and that he hadn't intended to spend the night in an alley. He shivered in the morning gloom, looking around in a vain hope to establish where exactly he was. He noticed a wine bottle by his left leg, empty upon further examination, a man about ten feet down the alley, lying slumped against the dumpster, two fire escapes, and a few grimy windows. A cold wind blew down the alley, carrying with it a terrible stench, and Drake pulled his coat more tightly around him. Drake walked down to the dumpster, if only because he could use it to block the wind. Once Drake arrived at the dumpster, he saw there wouldn't be room for him to lie against it the way the other man was slumped. The smell emanating from either the dumpster or the man was incredible at this distance. Drake resisted the urge to vomit. Drake considered attempted to move the other man a few inches over, to make room for his own spot out of the wind. Before doing so, however, he took stock of the other man and his belongings. The man appeared to live in the alley, probably hadn't shaved in weeks, was wearing a threadbare hat and thick coat, and had the rattiest blue jeans Drake had ever seen. Coming to the conclusion that waking this man probably wouldn't kill him, Drake carefully reached out , and nudged the other man in the side. As he did so, he noticed his hand felt sticky and wet. Drake, suddenly feeling very uneasy about his situation, chanced a glance at his hand. He hoped it was something innocuous, like water. Anything but what he thought it was, really. Luck, however, was not with him that day, for when he pulled his hand away, it was covered in blood. Drake couldn't hold back any longer. He vomited.
For the record, this is unfinished, but there's well over 20 pages written. I'll only be posting this story when I run out of other stuff to post. This story's my baby, and it's eventually going to take some trips to publishers.
Scott: I like this beginning. There's something very compelling about a guy who can't remember much. I especially like that he remembers only that he was happy the night before--not why he was happy or where he was happy. I'll be interested to find out if he was happy merely because he was drunk (empty wine bottle) or if it was something else entirely! Thanks for sharing your work!
ReplyDeleteScott, this really had me intrigued. I thought the first few opening lines were really great. There was a feeling of unease, but it was still kind of funny. I was also kept in suspense at the end, I want to know why there is blood. This was definitely a great installment and I would like to read more. Good luck with the publishers, I'm sure you will do great!
ReplyDeleteScott,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kim--this had be intrigued as well! The description you use is phenomenal. I almost feel like I was standing next to Drake, watching everything happen. The suspenseful details, such as the blood, also kept me wanting to read more. I hope you get the time to finish it (and 20 pages is impressive!).
Best,
Traci
Scott
ReplyDeleteThe detail in this piece is amazing! This flowed so evenly I couldn't stop reading. I am interested in the other twenty pages you have written. Good luck with your future publishing adventures!
Laura